Do you know this? Here comes the text message: You are with us this year, aren't you?
At the in-laws' Christmas table....
And there it goes, that inner dialogue, the agonisingly guilty conscience: "I can't say no again..."... "Why do they think we always have to come? ... "Why do they think we always have to come?"... "I already didn't go last year"....
Maybe there is still a dispute between you and your partner about who has to be where and when? The fear of rejection?
And maybe in a quiet minute you ask yourself: And what about my needs?
When may I finally do and be what I actually want without hurting anyone? How old do I have to become before I can finally stand up for myself?
How often do we say "yes" for the sake of peace or because we are afraid of suffering disadvantages if we stand up for ourselves.
Learn to say "no and nevertheless to belong to it.
Get to know your inner voices and find out what really makes them happy. This clarity will enable you to engage with your counterpart sincerely without any form of rejection standing between you. So learn to express yourself authentically while remaining benevolently connected with the other person.
Learn to be real instead of nice, to take responsibility for yourself and to hear the deeper concerns behind the words.
Happy Holidays: Focus Empathy, Competence Centre for Empathic Communication and Self-Empowerment, Benedikt Loser and Patricia Walker.