A current topic, how this could be possible from a different perspective, from the point of view and attitude of the CSF...
When I accompany people in challenging life situations, I often hear a sentence like this: "I want to know why did he do that?
It wants to be understood why the other person said or did what he did?
In the accompaniment, I always help people to recognise their own needs. This is quite different from the cognitive understanding of what has driven the other person... In so many cases, phrases like "I want him/her to understand me" and finally needs like "to be seen", "authenticity", "connection" come up.
I feel regret when I experience the longing for connection. A mutual togetherness in authenticity as well as in recognition, appreciation - and how much we humans (myself included!) are sometimes trapped in supposedly having to understand the other. Because our deeper needs are not really met in the cognitive understanding of the other. There is no real relaxation in the relationship. Because we are not seen by the other person in our authenticity. Because, for example, we don't show these very needs now, but rather remain in the demand for "you show yourself first" - which also cuts off rather than nourishes the longed-for connection.
Accepting that my counterpart is an individual, not my clone, that there can and will be unexpected things happening for me. That sometimes seems so much against our nature. But this is where our freedom lies and ultimately also the intimacy in the partnership: to see the enrichment of the other person - without being "to blame" if something is unpleasant for the other person, without being "responsible" for changing the other person's mood or behaviour. But perhaps to see with appreciation the needs that my fellow human being is trying to fulfil.
And these needs are far beyond the initial cognitive understanding and usually far below the awareness of my counterpart.