Self-regulation

Self-regulation

The power of self-regulation: a path to inner balance

In our hectic everyday lives, we often face challenges that put our ability to self-regulate to the test. But what exactly is self-regulation and why is it so important for our well-being? In this article, we explore the importance of self-regulation and how we can effectively practise self-regulation.

1) The importance of self-regulation

Self-regulation refers to the ability to consciously control our thoughts, emotions and behaviours in order to achieve our goals and maintain healthy relationships. But what happens when this ability is impaired?

The problem with a lack of self-regulation

Without appropriate self-regulation, we can become entangled in various unhealthy behaviours. This often manifests itself in the form of impulsive behaviour, uncontrolled emotions and a lack of or excessive empathy towards others. In such moments, we can feel lost, overwhelmed and emotionally unstable. Let's look at two very different types of lack of self-regulation:

a) Resistance to other opinions

One common way in which a lack of self-regulation manifests itself is through resistance to other opinions. This often manifests itself in impulsive reactions, arguments and conflicts. At such moments, we may feel frustrated, irritated and unsure of our own position.

Example 1In a meeting at the office, a colleague expresses an opinion that contradicts mine. Instead of listening calmly, I react impulsively and vehemently defend my opinion without considering the other person's perspective.

Example 2During a heated family discussion about politics, we lose control of our emotions and get angry when someone has a different opinion.

b) Identification with others and loss of self

Another effect of a lack of self-regulation is the tendency to lose oneself in others and neglect one's own identity. This often manifests itself in excessive conformity behaviour, an addiction to harmony and a lack of personal points of view or the great difficulty in communicating these.

Example 1In order to be accepted in a group, we agree with all opinions, even if they contradict our own, and lose sight of our individual perspective.

Example 2In a romantic relationship, we completely adapt to our partner, neglect our own needs and slowly but surely lose our self-respect.

2) Practising effective self-regulation

To achieve effective self-regulation, it is important to become aware of how our thoughts influence our feelings and actions. Here are some practical steps to promote self-regulation:

• Awareness of your own thoughtsPay attention to which thoughts and beliefs influence your emotions. Reflect on how you react mentally and therefore emotionally to certain situations.
• Temporarily getting out and pausingTake conscious breaks to regulate your emotions. Take a deep breath before reacting to a stressful situation and take time to recognise your needs.
• Recognising needs in the momentListen to the needs that show themselves through your feelings. Allow yourself to recognise your own needs in this moment. This gives you a new starting point and the opportunity to react in a self-effective way.

ExampleDuring a heated discussion with a friend, you notice how your emotions are boiling over. Instead of reacting impulsively, you take a short break to become aware of your thoughts, feelings and needs.