"I Don't Always Get What I Want, I Get What I Need"
A path to more inner freedom
Reference and background to the quote/song
Karen Taylor Good's song *I Don't Always Get What I Want, I Get What I Need* picks up on a central theme of human experience: Disappointment as a gateway to growth and realisation. The message is similar to that of a well-known Rolling Stones song, which emphasises that life often doesn't deliver what we want, but what really helps us move forward.
Good's interpretation emphasises how inevitable setbacks often steer us in the right direction in unexpected ways. Instead of holding on to unfulfilled expectations, the song teaches us to surrender to what life offers and draw strength from it. This attitude can be wonderfully combined with non-violent communication (NVC) according to Marshall Rosenberg.
Connection to non-violent communication
Nonviolent communication (NVC) distinguishes between strategies and needs. Strategies are specific ways to fulfil a need, while needs are universal and independent of the means by which they are expressed.
The acronym PLATO (People, Location, Action, Time, Object) helps to clarify this difference. Strategies always include one or more of these categories: People, places, actions, times or objects. Needs, on the other hand, are free of these. For example, the need for connection could be fulfilled by various strategies such as talking to a friend or attending an event.
The song reminds me that unfulfilled strategies often point to a deeper need, and invites us to find new ways to fulfil them rather than sticking to a specific strategy.
How this attitude makes life emotionally easier
By accepting that we don't always get what we want, an inner lightness arises. Instead of fighting against disappointments, we learn to see them as opportunities. This perspective encourages:
– Emotional resilience: Perceive challenges less as obstacles and more as learning opportunities.
– SerenityAcceptance of the circumstances, of what is already there, reduces stress and excessive control.
– Freedom: Break free from fixed expectations, open up for new experiences and solutions.
Three tips for practising this in everyday life
1. consciously perceive your needs: Start writing down your feelings and wishes/strategies. Ask yourself: What is the underlying need behind this?
2. reformulate disappointments: If something doesn't go according to plan, consciously try to change your perspective. Ask: "What new opportunity arises from this situation?"
3. practise compassion: Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a good friend. Allow yourself to feel disappointment, but without getting stuck in it. Let it turn into regret.
Conclusion
Karen Taylor Good's song is more than an inspirational melody - it offers a guide to a more conscious, freer life. By learning to distinguish between want and need, we gain emotional clarity and inner peace. In combination with non-violent communication, this attitude becomes a powerful tool that helps us to go through everyday life with more ease.
