The lady at the reception of the office building registers the craftsman as a visitor and hands him the badge for access control. He goes about his work on the upper floors and she goes about her tasks at the reception.
About half an hour later, the receptionist hears that five craftsmen are working on one of the upper floors. She picks up the phone and calls the workman she had registered: "But that's not possible! Everybody come down immediately! What do they think they're doing? Nothing works here without registration, are you still okay?" The receiver lands clattering on the table.
A few minutes later, four craftsmen are standing in the reception hall, somewhat crouched and hunched over, while one of them stands up in front of the receptionist, stretches and at the same time says something inaudible to me. The answer is again clearly audible: "I told you EVERYONE - EVERYONE - has to be registered, how dare you? Is it still possible? How dare they just let others in without all that? Negligent, irresponsible! ..:"
Then the craftsman becomes audible: "Wait a minute, you really didn't say that" - "Nonsense, talk your way out of it - EVERYONE, and now: come on, everyone! - "yes so not like that!" - "then get out!" - "I have to work here, we have to work here..." - "so let's go: come here, register!" ... the rest of the conversation is no longer audible or relevant to this blog.
What happened?
The same as in NVC beginners and at the beginning of NVC practitioner seminars: People see themselves affected by what another person does or says. Defence or attack is triggered - in a split second. This in turn triggers something similar in the other person and the situation heats up. Until one person submits, gives up and the fire is no longer fed. Outwardly it calms down, but inside it goes on for a long time....
Participants in our seminars often report that "I can't do anything about it, it just comes automatically. I don't want it, but I can't help it" or something similar.
For me, the most touching moments in the NVC Practitioner are when the new attitude begins to take effect. For example, recently in a practice sequence for two, one participant consciously said something challenging to the other and the other reacted as if shot out of a pistol:
"Yes, but now .... ou läck !.... wow .... Wait a minute .... ähhh .... I'd better do some self-empathy now! - How great is that: I've noticed and can decide for myself to do the conversation differently! Cool!"
That is what drives me to give seminars: To accompany people into a different attitude, so that automatic reactions become conscious and are then also changed. Towards the hypothetical situation I would have liked at the reception - the people involved would probably have appreciated that themselves: "I told them EVERYONE - EVERYONE - has to be registered, how dare they? Are they still up to it? How dare they just let others in without all that? Negligent, irresponsible! ..:" Then the craftsman becomes audible: "Hmmm, yes, it seems to be very important to you that everything is correct here and that everything is safe, because you are really upset right now and would be happy for cooperation, which would really relax you? - "Yes, exactly, where else would we get to! You should think like that before, man!" - "I guess it's quite frustrating to have to run after them and do the work, you'd really like to have the information right away and have everyone help out with these important things?" - "You've got that right! So, who are your colleagues, then we can sort this out - I won't get a scolding from the boss..." - "Oh, that'll probably relax you a lot, when it's sorted out again and you're safe from the reactions from upstairs?" - "Oh, don't say anything - but I'm sure you know that too" - "mhm"...
CSF from the attitude comes across differently than CSF from the mechanics - it may sound less like "formal CSF", because it works through the attitude: not being triggered so often, not being triggered for so long and not being triggered so violently. This allows the other person to be recognised and appreciated as a human being. This attitude requires its own processes to reduce triggers.
For this the NVC-Practitioner and is also experienced and confirmed by the participants.
Curious? Welcome!